So with the FFP rules coming in, the credit crunch and the much talked about “current economic situation” (whatever that actually means?) it is clear that poor old Randy doesn’t have a bottomless pit of cash to endlessly pump money into the club. With that in mind, they are going to have to get a bit more entrepreneurial in their approach, and I have just the idea!
There is a direct correlation between Premier League players and other athletic stars. Both are;
Pampered,
Honed by regular training,
Receive top class medical care
Spent much of their time on grass
Get bossed about by small Irish men
Clueless about real life
Live in barns!
Yes you guessed it, race horses.
Which is where my revolutionary idea comes from, charging ‘stud’ fees for premier league players. Let’s face it, Ryan Giggs and John Terry could have kept Man Utd and Chelsea in business respectively over the last couple of seasons.
But this lead me onto a further thought, you could then selectively breed the ideal footballer, biologically engineering out all the issues! Imagine the following;
Peter Crouch bred with Ian Ornandroyd
Pros – No cross would be too high.
Cons – Getting a shirt to fit might be an issue.
Gabby Agbonlahor bred with Tony Daley
Pros – Usain Bolt beating pace.
Cons – First 5 rows of seating removed at the Villa Park due to extended run off area needed.
Tom ‘Pongo’ Waring bred with Fred Haycock
Pros – Ultimate footballer who can defend and attack.
Cons – Pongo Haycock sounds like something you should see the doctor about.
Mark Bosnich bred with Jimmy Rimmer
Pros – Ultimate stopping machine.
Cons – Glove makers not up to the task.
But these are just mine, I am sure you could do better!
The Author
